The American pronunciation and spelling of “squirrelled” make it the longest one-syllable word in the English language. Source
"I was calm on the outside but thinking all the time."
Miley: “Dad I have something for Tanners bug collection”
my uncle: “that’s great”
Miley: “it’s a bird”
my uncle: “no its not”
They let it go and it flew away just fine, so we’re wondering how she caught it.
she caught another bird.
update: she caught a squirrel today
She is gonna rule the world one day with this power
so we need a net and a potholder of some sort
one time when my dad was in college these guys found a carpet on the sidewalk and they needed furniture for their dorm so they were like “hell yeah free carpet” and they carried the carpet upstairs and it was really wet and heavy so they unrolled it to let it dry and a dead body fell out
I’M NOT SHITTING YOU
Last week, I may have gone too far. I’ll explain it quickly. Basically, I found out where he gets his clothes dry-cleaned. Custom ordered the same suit, made with tear-away velcro. And… you can fill in the rest.
(Source: theofficescreencaps, via death-by-lulz)